45 - What's Your Most and Least Favorite "Me"?
45 - What's Your Most and Least Favorite "Me"?
In his iconic American poem, “Song of Myself,” Walt Whitman threw off a parenthetical line that I’ve always found insightful. He wrote:
“Do I contradict myself?
Very well then, I contradict myself.
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)”
If we all contain multitudes, as Whitman says, that suggests to me that some of those must be our most and least favorite versions of ourselves.
You know: my favorite “me.” Or my least favorite “me.” Which “me” am I when I feel “most like myself?”
We’ve all become accustomed to the idea that we are different people in different situations. After all, I know I can’t fully be “myself” at work, no matter how much we admonish one another to be “genuine” or “authentic.” At home, with my partner and family, I can be a “me” that I’d never dare be with others. I can act in different ways and use different language. You know: “I can relax and let my hair down.”
Question is, is that your favorite “me?” Or is your favorite “me” the you that’s deeply engaged in solving a problem at work, writing a tricky report for a client? Maybe it’s the “me” that’s coaching little league, or volunteering at a local children’s hospital.
If you start to think about your favorite “me” in these ways, you might find that there are several versions of “me” that fit the bill. And maybe those “me’s” have some things in common. Personally, I find that I’m my favorite “me” when I’m exploring ideas with others in real time. Kind of like riffing on a melody in a jazz combo. I think that’s one reason I enjoy podcasting with a couple of just-like-minded-enough-yet-different co-hosts. Whether I’m engaged in that kind of conversation on a podcast, in a classroom, or around the dinner table with friends, I feel like I’m being my favorite version of myself. Knowing that about myself leads me to look for opportunities to be that “me.”
On the other hand, I’m my least favorite “me” when others act as if I’m supposed to be something. We all attribute traits and characteristics to people based on cultural and personal biases and stereotypes. It’s inevitable. No matter how hard we may try, our initial reactions to people are based on categorization. It’s an evolutionary part of our cognitive makeup that’s helped our species survive and propagate over millions of years. We can learn to overcome those initial impressions if we’re motivated to do so, but they often sneak in…unnoticed…to our interactions. The best we can do is to recognize them and try to prevent them from affecting the ways we act towards others.
As “a man of a certain age,” I’m supposed to like certain things and not like others, think in certain ways; be a Boomer! (Ugh!) My “me” then has to struggle with this tiny rebellious streak it has (!) that wants to dramatically show that it’s not any of those damned things at all! and yet still be an appropriate adult. That’s my least favorite “me”: one that has to “prove” that it’s not what you have come to assume I am.
It’s complicated being multitudes!
What about you? What’s your favorite and least favorite “me?”